Amy Tindell “BUT YOU SAID WE WERE GOING TO THE LIBRARY!”
As I finished cleaning the melted chocolate out of the back seat of the car, I was reminded of another reason I dislike summer. It’s not the heat…or the humidity. It’s the schedule.
As a teacher, it seemed so much easier to set a routine and procedures and stick to them. Sure, there were interruptions and changes to the schedule sometimes, but the schedule was in writing on the wall. It was something we could all pretty much depend on.
When summer rolls around, schedules seem impossible. Try as I might, something will inevitably come up to force a change. That’s what happened to our library trip a few days ago. I had every intention of taking the kids to the library, but then the chocolate tornado (aka my daughter with a chocolate candy bar) hit the back seat of my car.
Since chocolate and the Louisiana heat don’t mix, I knew waiting to clean it up was a bad idea. That left my son (my rigid thinker) standing behind me almost in tears because the schedule had to change.
What Is Rigid Thinking?
Rigid thinking occurs when an individual is unable to consider alternatives to the current situation, alternative viewpoints or innovative solutions to a problem. There are plenty of videos out there for parents of neurotypical children with ideas on creating flexible thinking, and the BBC news clip at the bottom clearly shows the value of flexible thinking. But for the neurodivergent thinkers, it’s not always so easy.
Many neurodivergent thinkers struggle with rigid thinking and get easily frustrated when faced with a problem or something they weren’t expecting. Several of the examples I’ve seen used in different trainings come from “The Big Bang Theory” because Sheldon is a classic rigid thinker. One of my favorite examples is when Sheldon and Penny have to work together to complete a puzzle (that clip is below).
Rigid thinking is much more of a issue with neurodivergent thinkers for one big reason—all that problem solving and decision making happens in the prefrontal cortex. That’s right…it’s part of our executive functioning skills. Neurodivergent thinkers tend to depend more on the rules and facts memorized and stored in other parts of the brain. Generalizing and adapting that information into different situations takes significantly more time, practice, and patience.
What Does Rigid Thinking Look Like At My House?
Personally, I don’t have to turn on the TV to find examples of rigid thinking that go well beyond a rescheduled trip to the library. The Weather Channel has been another issue this week. Thank you, Jim Cantore and for posting your hurricane tracker right next to the daily forecast. Let me explain.
Rigid thinking and anxiety often go together. Yesterday I pulled up the radar on the Weather Channel to see if the storm in the distance was headed our way. Of course, my rigid thinker looked over my shoulder and saw that there was a hurricane forming in the Atlantic. His anxiety instantly kicked in, and he had to take control. He began taking inventory of our hurricane kit and making a list of what we needed to replace. He searched through his map app on his phone wanting to know which evacuation route we would take. He checked the radio and counted our batteries.
He had to know there was a plan and that everything was under control. He almost panicked when I told him we didn’t need more C batteries for the radio because I had plenty of AA’s for the smaller radio. He’s never seen us use any other radio besides the larger one. In his mind that was just not okay.
He has a checklist of the things we need to be ready for hurricane season. Putting him in charge of the list has been like giving him a security blanket, and it’s one less thing I have to worry about. Trust me, he reminds me of what we need about a dozen times a day.
As a teacher, I often gave my students who struggled with rigid thinking their own copy of the schedule, lists of supplies they needed, a “To Do” list for the day, or even a little stop sign with a known schedule change written on it so that they could see and control their environment. Anything that they could see, put their hands around, and control was a source of security.
The Meltdowns…
Having control of their environment is great on the good days, but what about the unexpected changes in routine or unexpected problems? Most of the rigid thinkers I know have a very low threshold for frustration. Even if they know calming strategies and coping skills, it’s easy to forget how to use them in that moment when it’s needed.
YouTube “pseudo-documentaries” have been another source of frustration this week. First, the guys painting the gravel yard on their train layout made it look WAY too easy and failed to explain all their steps. But my rigid thinker believed that they are experts and tried to follow their example. That’s why I found myself with a Magic Eraser cleaning spray paint off plastic train tracks while my little train enthusiast laid on his bed and cried.
Not being able to afford the model airplane the YouTube “expert” recommended led to another mini meltdown. But by far the worst meltdown was over spilled chicken feed because the feeder wasn’t the kind the farmer on YouTube used. You get the idea. After a few minutes to calm down, he was able to use his skills to calm down and start problem solving.
What I’ve Noticed
The only thing I can say about these meltdowns is that they often improve with lots of practice and maturity if the right coping skills and examples are set consistently. That doesn’t mean your child will one day be able to handle frustration without anxiety and or emotional outbursts, but I’ve noticed with my own children and with so many of my students, that those outbursts tend to get shorter and be less intense as they get older. Hang in there.
I’ve also known several parents who chose to use medication, diets, counseling, and play therapy to help with the anxiety and teach coping strategies. Those are all ideas to discuss with your doctor if you feel your child struggles with excessive anxiety and frustration. I wish I could offer more advice besides be patient and consistent, but each rigid thinker is different.
Other Ideas to Help
There’s no one way to help our neurodivergent thinkers deal with rigid thinking, but here are a few things I’ve tried that have helped some of the kids I know become more flexible thinkers:
- Have a visual schedule or task list.
- Play games, especially strategy games that force players to think of different ways to solve problems.
- Have a schedule, but plan some mystery surprises into the schedule. You can warn the person that there’s a surprise, but you don’t have to tell them what it is until it’s time for the surprise. This works best if the first few surprises are positive.
- Go on an adventure. It can be anything from trying a new restaurant to traveling across the country. New experiences challenge rigid thinking. A hike in the woods or a trip to bowling alley are little ways to encourage flexible thinking, but letting your rigid thinker be in charge of the map or make some of the decisions can make it less stressful for everyone.
- Be creative. Sometimes crafts, cooking, building, and art force us to problem solve and think about things differently.
I know for some children who need more extensive support, some of these ideas may not seem reasonable. Modify any of these ideas to meet the needs of your child. Even better, leave your ideas in the comment section to help other parents and teachers move past the meltdowns and encourage flexible thinking.
Sheldon & Penny putting the puzzle together. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k97UCdnI-vc
BBC Benefits of Flexible Thinking: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5oIKhxLDik
