Amy Tindell There’s just something about October when it comes to depression. As a teacher, it was the beginning of the holiday struggle with my students. I see the stress and anxiety in my own kids that sets in about this time every year. Since I had my own traumatic brain injury, I find that this is the time of the year when I struggle with depression myself. Between now and the end of the year, many of us may struggle with depression for any number of reasons, but it can be especially difficult for people who are neurodivergent.
“They (neurodivergents) are four times more likely than neurotypicals to experience depression over the course of their lives, although scientists are unsure why. Their rates of depression rise with intelligence and with age.” —Spectrum News
Situational Depression
There’s no doubt that much of what triggers depressive moods can be traced back to the circumstances around us. The holidays are stressful. Overcommitment leads to stress and anxiety. Finances are an issue. Families are an issue. Renewed grief over the loss of a loved one or divorce is painful during the holidays.
Then you add all the “normal” daily stress of work and family. Painful experiences, worry, fear of the unknown, fear of failure, etc. Pretty soon you begin to see why the next few months may be difficult for many people.
So why is it so much of a problem with neurodivergent thinkers? I’m no expert, but I have a few ideas.
Emotional Regulation
That’s right. Part of the problem goes back to emotional regulation, the ability to identify emotions and use them appropriately. If you stop and think about it, neurodivergent thinkers may not be experiencing significantly more trauma and stress than anyone else. It comes down to what you do with the emotions you have.
This week has been stressful in my house. We’re dealing with some difficult circumstances, and the unregulated emotions show. As we discussed somethings with the kids, my daughter’s ADHD mind went total drama queen. She identified her emotion of fear, but she felt so much of it, she couldn’t control it. What’s more, it took her a long time to calm down.
My son listened, nodded like he understood, and then asked if this would affect our plans to go to the train show in two weeks. It wasn’t that he was being selfish or indifferent. The next day he told me he was worried, too. He just couldn’t name the emotion he was feeling until after he had time to process it, and the logical side of his brain was franticly trying to figure out what to do or say.
They were at opposite ends of the emotional spectrum, but they both struggled to cope. Now take that emotional stress and lack of regulation and multiply it by all the circumstances and stress we feel this time of year. People with ADHD jump from one perceived crisis to another and never take a break to think through their actions or take time to deal with the emotions. People on the Autism spectrum barely have time to identify their emotions from one experience before they’re bombarded by ten more.
ADHD
If only it were as simple as telling our ADHD kids to calm down! We might as well tell them to stop breathing. It doesn’t matter how much you teach mindfulness and emotional regulation strategies, a person with ADHD will often initially feel those strong emotions and lots of them. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Feeling those strong emotions and dealing with them can be very healthy.
Looking beyond the tools and strategies to help with emotional regulation, many people with ADHD face another barrier—dopamine. The chemicals in their brains, especially dopamine, is out of balance. The video below from ADDitude Magazine gives a brief explanation of how this chemical imbalance can make lead to people with ADHD being more likely to struggle with depression and anxiety.
ADDitude Magazine video—ADHD and depression
Autism
It’s difficult for people on the Autism spectrum to identify their own emotions. Some are not emotionally aware enough to recognize the signs of depression or identify what they are feeling. That’s only half the battle. The next step is communicating that to others. Because Autism often impairs communication, it can be like hitting a double brick wall.
Some form of counseling or therapy is always recommended when treating depression, but what happens when the person has limited communication skills? Even if a person on the Autism spectrum can communicate “normally”, they may not know what to communicate to their therapist. Besides, therapy is another task to interrupt their schedule, or so they often think.
Then there’s the internal repetition battle. People with Autism often have repetitive behaviors. They process experiences again and again before deciding how they feel about those experiences. If the experience is good, that’s not a problem, but what happens if the experience is negative. This hyper focused cycle of replaying the negative experience can easily lead to depression. At times it may seem like the cycle is impossible to break. Just when you start to feel better about an experience, another one takes its place. That leads to another round of negative self-talk, low self-esteem, and depression.
Inability to identify and process emotions, communication barriers, and repetitive thought cycles are just a few reasons people with Autism are more likely to experience depression.
So What Can We Do?
You can go to almost any website addressing the topic of depression and get a whole list of healthy coping strategies from eating right and staying connected with friends to getting enough sleep and journaling. Expressing gratitude for what you have is usually on the list. All these things are important, and they are the first steps in combating depression for anyone.
What about neurodivergent thinkers? First, create a physical space and/or a space in the schedule for decompressing and processing all those thoughts and feelings. Our kids (and many adults) with ADHD may not even realize they need a break to self-regulate their emotions because they’re too busy jumping from one crisis to another. Some on the Autism spectrum need the time to process everything, and they don’t know how to ask for that time. Give them the gift of time.
Second, point out the positive. Neurodivergent thinkers often repeat or replay events in their heads, and they’re usually the negative events that lead to low self-esteem and negative self-talk. You can’t get in their heads to stop the cycle, but you can help them refocus on the positive. Give them the gift of encouragement.
Third, be their safe place. All day our kids are corrected for like stimming, being disorganized, or being overly dramatic. There are plenty of people out there who will try to make them “act normally”. Sometimes they just need a safe place to unleash the drama queen or practice some nonharmful stimming, and they need to know they aren’t being judged and you won’t leave. Give them the gift of acceptance.
Finally, don’t be afraid to get help. Neurodivergent thinkers often also have challenges with unbalanced brain chemicals. You can’t change that, but there are people who can help.
I know I put this on every post related to depression and anxiety, but it’s just that important. If you have thoughts of suicide, please call the suicide hotline at 988 for help 24 hours a day.
