When I wrote a post last week about hoarding, I never expected so many different views on the matter. In fact, everyone I’ve talked to seems to have a different opinion. I suppose the first thing I need to do is to better address the difference between the clutter and the collections.
Collections
Many neurodivergent thinkers often collect things because they need a physical object they can touch to validate an abstract experience or emotion. I gave the example of my son who keeps every target he’s ever used in his 4H shooting sports program. It doesn’t matter if he’s shooting arrows, BBs, or anything else, he will not let go of those targets. Why? Because they represent the experience and progress he’s made. They make him happy. There is a positive emotional connection to these targets, though I may not understand it.
Many neurodivergent thinkers, especially those with autism, have trouble processing emotions (which are abstract concepts), but if they have a physical object that they can relate to that emotion, they will begin collecting that item. I’ve had students who have found joy in things like cars, Legos, and even pets. They can’t always communicate that they are experiencing joy, but they can point to that tangible object to compare what they are feeling to the joy that object brings them. So, the one who likes his pet cat starts collecting stuffed cats that look similar to the real cat. The one who likes cars has over 300 Hot Wheels in special boxes. The one who likes Legos, lives in a virtual minefield of Legos. Never walk barefoot in that house. You get the idea, and you can probably see why this can lead to hoarding.
The Clutter
Clutter is an altogether different issue that often goes back to executive functioning. Neurodivergent thinkers often struggle to make decisions, organize material, focus long enough to put things back in their place, or make a plan for where to put things. We often associate these traits with ADHD because people with ADHD have the communication skills to be able to explain what’s going on in their heads, but other neurodivergent thinkers struggle with it as well.
The clutter often consists of papers, tools that are often used (like dishes, remotes, pencils, not just screwdrivers and pliers), and clothes to name a few items. Sometimes these items are needed and often used, but they don’t have a place. Sometimes there’s no system to organize things. At other times, the person may struggle with knowing what is or is not trash.
There may be an element of emotional attachment to the objects, but the emotions are not comfort and fulfillment like the collections bring. More often the emotions attached to clutter are worry, fear, and anxiety. These emotions can be so overwhelming that they cause the person to be cognitively paralyzed and unable to access the executive functioning skills that are already such a struggle. Let’s take a look at the executive functioning skills needed to cut the clutter.
Skill 1: Making Choices
The first step in tackling the clutter is deciding what goes and what stays. Strike one for many divergent thinkers. It’s like all the times when I sit with my daughter to clean out her backpack. I hold up a paper and ask if this is something she needs. I can literally see her brain scrambling to come up with an answer as she blurts out, “Yes…maybe…the teacher didn’t ask for it yet…I don’t know…maybe I forgot to turn it in.”
The date on the paper is over a month old, so I seriously doubt her teacher will be asking for it, and I already checked her grades for missing work. I’ve learned from experience to never call anything the “trash pile”, because it will instantly become important to her again, and it will never get thrown away. Instead, I start the “we’ll deal with it later” pile. That means when we’re done and she’s not looking, I’ll deal with it by putting it in the trash.
At first, I felt bad doing this, but then I realized that she never missed the things I threw away, and she had less anxiety once the unneeded items were gone. I’ve seen it time and again when we clean her room or other work areas. Once the trash is gone, she can relax. The only emotional attachment she had to the trash was the fear of needing something in it later on or the feeling of being overwhelmed by it when it was in front of her. There was no sentimental attachment or fulfillment from the trash.
Skill 2: Planning
Now the trash is cleared away, and we can see the things we’re going to keep. Cutting the clutter means finding an organizational system that works for you, and there are so many out there to choose from. This is where problem 1 and problem 2 overlap. Just finding a system that works is overwhelming, and many people can’t decide which one to use.
In my last post, I attached several videos by Jessica at How to ADHD and Cass at Clutterbug. Of course, there’s Marie Kondo and any number of other people out there who have systems for organizing. Maybe that’s the problem. There are too many choices. This is where many neurodivergent thinkers get lost. They’ll start binge-watching HGTV to find the “perfect” organizational system and never get around to actually getting organized.
Just a bonus thought—Many neurodivergent thinkers are very visual. This is why so many love watching documentaries or reality TV. If you’re helping a neurodivergent thinker get organized, keeping things visible is important. If they don’t see it, they’ll forget it’s there. I do this all the time, so that’s experience talking.
Skill 3: Sorting and Organizing
By now, some neurodivergent thinkers have already struck out. Just choosing what to throw away and picking a system to get organized is so mentally exhausting and overwhelming, they’re ready to quit. They’re Googling local companies who will send someone out to do the rest for them because they realize we’re still a long way from done.
Something I’ve found interesting in working with my own kids is that they all sort things differently. When my son takes time to sort things out and organize his things, there’s usually some strange logic behind it. All things related to his trains are kept together, so I often find pieces of the Christmas layout, train puzzles, or train magazines stuffed under his regular train layout in the garage. It’s not the way I would organize things, but he’s got a system that works for him.
And then there’s my daughter. One time I made labels for all her baskets in her room so she could sort her things into the baskets. We were doing great until I held up some school scissors and asked where they went. She wasn’t sure if they should go in the art basket or the hair basket because she used them to cut paper and her hair (this was news to me). A week later I found slime in her hair basket, which she justified because it was the same texture as the hair products she uses. Only a few days after that I found the labels stuck on her whiteboard on the bedroom door to make a message telling me that she hated my system. The message was creative, and it made the point that my system wasn’t working for her.
Skill 4: Focus
While many of us are happily sorting out the clutter and admiring our work at this point, many neurodivergent thinkers without accountability are still stuck choosing an organizational system. The ability to focus and complete tasks are part of executive functioning. Many neurodivergent thinkers will hyperfocus on one thing while ignoring another. Time blindness and preference play a big role in task completion. If you ask them how long they’ve been binge-watching Marie Kondo fold clothes, they will probably tell you they don’t know. They aren’t lying.
How to Help
Maybe you recognize your child, spouse, or someone else close to you (or yourself) as you’ve read about my experiences. The best way I’ve found to help is by taking the time to ask questions.
Some neurodivergent thinkers enjoy working alone, and only need a few prompting questions or reminders as they get organized. However, many others need a little support and accountability. It’s not that they can’t do it. Simply having someone else with them to keep them focused and listen as they process their thoughts is enough. You can help by being present and asking questions. Asking questions can force the person to process and remember the information. Some questions to ask might be:
Where does this go?
How will you use this?
Will you remember where you put this?
While there are many neurodivergent thinkers who just need that extra support or accountability, there are some who need more help than we often have the time or energy to give. This is especially true for some neurodivergent adults. Sometimes you have to call in the professionals. That’s right. There are people like Serena at Compose Your Space, who get paid to help other people get organized.
Asking questions leaves room for choices. Nobody likes being told what to do and forcing someone to use your organizational system rarely works. As a teacher, I learned the importance of asking questions. This carries over when I help my kids clean their rooms because I’m constantly asking them “Where does this go?” or “How will you use this?”. If they struggle to make a choice, I’ll give them two or three acceptable options. They have the freedom to choose where they put things, but there’s still accountability.
I hope this helps you understand how to help your neurodivergent friends and family cut the clutter that can be overwhelming. If you have other ideas on ways to help or have questions, please leave a comment below. I’d love to hear from you.
