(This is the first post on this topic, but it will not be the last.)
A few nights ago, I went to tuck my kids into bed and was met with the usual obstacles. I found myself stumbling over toys, wading through a sea of hair ribbons, and almost falling over a mountain of deer and train magazines. My kids clean their rooms at least once a week, sometimes more. I’ve culled out toys, clothes, and trash on a regular basis…generally when they’re not at home. Yet my kids both struggle with collecting clutter. I’m trying to teach them some much-needed cleaning skills early, but for some neurodivergent thinkers, these are early signs of hoarding.
What surprised me as I did research and talked to people, is how common adult hoarding is for neurodivergent thinkers. Even more surprising was finding out that my kids (and many others) struggle with clutter and hoarding for totally different reasons.
Executive Functioning
A research article from BP Medicine from Japan Is one of several studies done showing the association between hoarding and ADHD / ADD. In their study, people with ADHD/ ADD were 40% more likely to become hoarders or practice hoarding activities than their neurotypical peers.
“Hoarders’ impulsive acquisition and difficulty making decisions about discarding and organizing possessions may be derived from similar information-processing difficulties.”
That’s right, it goes back to executive functioning. An article from Health Line put it like this:
“People with inattentive-type ADHD often have a difficult time focusing, paying attention, and making decisions. Likewise, people with hoarding tendencies tend to demonstrate increased inattention, impulsivity, and inability to make decisions.”
We talked about executive functioning in an earlier post. It takes place in the frontal lobe of your brain and helps you do things like to organize, make choices, and plan ahead. These are obvious skills needed to keep the clutter under control. What’s more, many neurodivergent thinkers know they struggle with decision-making and organizing, so they become overwhelmed and give up before even trying to deal with the clutter and the collections.
The Clutter
Every week, I find myself sitting in the room with my ADHD child, picking up one thing at a time and asking where it goes. It can be exhausting. My other child knew how to sort things and put things away at 2 or 3 years old. This child is 8, and we’re still doing the same thing every weekend. Why? Because that’s what she needs. When I ask her where something should go, and she says, “I don’t know” she’s not lying. Her executive functioning skills in organization and decision-making need that much support.
I will never forget one time when I cleaned her room while she was in school. I took out two bags full of clothes, toys, and other things in the process of cleaning. When she came home, she was in shock. She asked where her stuff went one time. I told her I had put it aside, and if she could name anything that was missing, I’d give it back to her. One thing. She was able to name one toy that she played with which was missing. True to my word, I gave that one back. She never missed the rest. In fact, for several weeks after that, it was easier to clean her room and she seemed more relaxed.
But let’s face it, how many neurodivergent thinkers can hire someone to come to clean out their house every month? I can show her how good it feels to have everything organized, and I lead by example, but how do we pass along that skill to our neurodivergent kids? It’s not as easy as it sounds.
Another trend I noticed was impulse buying. Impulse control is another one of those executive functioning skills. Impulsive buying and the inability to organize a space create a vicious cycle of clutter and hoarding.
Cutting the clutter is the easiest battle because it often doesn’t involve emotional attachments. I’ve attached a link below from Jessica at “How to ADHD” on cutting the clutter. Clutter can be managed by cleaning out or finding a place for everything. Then there are the collections.
The Collections
Putting clutter in its place is half the battle. The more difficult battle is over the collections. This is a problem for both my child with ADHD and the one with ASD. There are links at the bottom to two articles that talk about how people with Autism collect items as a source of stress relief or emotional comfort. What makes culling out the collections so difficult is the emotional attachment.
One of my children likes to save bits of hair ribbon, almost empty glitter glue tubes, and rocks…among other things. She can tell me which friend gave her each item or where it came from, and she will then appeal to my logical side by telling me how she might need them one day. The minimalist in my brain cringes every time I help her organize her collections because I know throwing them away would lead to a massive meltdown.
My other child is no better. Most of his mess consists of magazines, models, paper targets, and other objects related to his special interests. When I try to clean the ripped train magazines out of his stack, he will stop me and tell me where each one came from and why it is special. He’s also in 4-H shooting sports, and he collects all his used paper targets. In his mind, it’s almost like throwing them away would make the experience go away too. That roll of paper targets that keeps growing is the tangible evidence to prove what he’s done.
But how do I organize and store these odd items? And for how long? Is my child really going to keep every paper target he ever uses for the rest of his life? What about those bits of ribbon and rocks? At the rate she’s going, her collection will fill a museum by the time she graduates from high school. Where do I draw the line on their collections? At what point do the collections go from being a source of stress relief to a source of stress?
As parents, those are the questions that run through our minds.
Ideas That Help
Hoarding can happen when clutter and collections get out of control. First, let’s talk about clutter.
- Create a schedule for cleaning and decluttering. Set reminders on your phone. Physically write these chores on your calendar or planner.
- Try different methods of decluttering. I’ve attached a Clutterbug video below. You may know Cass from her show on HGTV, but did you know she has ADHD? Her video gives some insightful tips.
- Hire someone to help you sort through items. There are people and businesses who will help you get started. Sometimes it’s less overwhelming when you’re not alone.
Then there are the collections. These are physical objects with an emotional attachment. You have to start with the emotional attachment before you can deal with the physical collections.
- Identify the emotional attachment to a particular set of objects. Ask why this is important. Help the neurodivergent thinker identify and prioritize their collections. Sometimes just talking through this with another person can help a neurodivergent thinker recognize that it’s okay to let go.
- Collections = reality and security. Those things must be acknowledged. Ignoring the emotional attachment can be devastating. Neurodivergent thinkers often need physical items to represent experiences because they are not abstract thinkers.
- Replacing the emotional collection. I know one person who had hundreds of teddy bears, and each was special. It wasn’t until she found out that she could donate these stuffed bears to her local child services department to be given out to kids in crisis, that she was able to let many of them go. She was willing to sacrifice her own emotional attachment knowing that the items were going to someone else who would share in her love and attachment for the item.
- Organize the important collections first. If a collection is truly important, then it needs a home so it doesn’t become clutter. Figure out a way to organize and display collections so that they can be enjoyed, and the emotional attachment can be acknowledged. Not all collections are bad.
- Seek therapy and treatment. Sometimes there are just more issues that lead to hoarding than we can address. There is a time to seek professional help, especially if these collections are dangerous
Autism and Collections
