Executive Functioning: Well, That Was Impulsive -

That was the first thought to cross my mind as I gently wiggled a child’s arm to get it loose from the bathroom door pull where it was stuck. After so many years of teaching and raising my own kids, I’ve seen a lot of poor decisions that were the product of impulsiveness.

There was the person who threw BBs into the ceiling fan, or the one who decided to shave her head, the one who got a Skittle stuck up his nose, and the one who used the hamster ball as a bowling ball with the hamster inside. And those are all adults I know. Don’t get me started with the kids.

The big difference is that we expect kids to lack impulse control. No one is surprised when a kid spends all his or her money on candy or suddenly thinks jumping off the roof into the swimming pool might be cool. But when a 30 year-old man does those things, it catches us off guard. We say things like, “He should have more sense than that.” But impulse control has little to do with cognition. All you have to do is pull up the latest news to see examples of high IQ people making terribly impulsive decisions.

The Prefrontal Cortex: Failure on So Many Levels

Impulse control is something we all struggle with from time to time, but neurotypical adult brains use their other executive functioning skills to control our impulses. The neurotypical adult will stop long enough to consider the cause and possible effect of their actions. Impulses go through filters and involve planning and decision making. If only all of our prefrontal cortexes worked so hard.

Impulse control is just one more skill that falls into executive functioning. As we mature, impulse control should get easier, but neurodivergent thinkers often have a life-long struggle with it because it hinges on so many other executive functioning skills that are lacking. If you break down all the steps to controlling impulsive thoughts, you begin to see how much planning, decision making, evaluating cause and effect, use of social filters, and organization go into taking a single thought and controlling it.

What Does Impulsiveness Look Like?

Lack of impulse control can come in many forms, but here are some of the most common issues related to impulse control.

Interrupting: Whether it’s because our brains are moving at lightening speed or because we’re afraid that we’ll forget what we were going to say, neurodivergent thinkers often interrupt. It’s usually not done in anger or to show disrespect. Neurotypical thinkers will put what they want to say on a mental (or actual) sticky note and wait their turn to talk. Many neurodivergent thinkers can’t find their sticky notes…or their pen… and then they forget what’s being talked about all together. It’s not that what we have to say is more important than what anyone else has to say. It’s more like there’s no filter to stop it, and we want to get it out there before we forget.
Talking excessively- This also goes back to social filters and sometimes the inability to read social cues in a given situation. I’ve heard it called a “brain dump”, “word vomit”, and “diarrhea of the mouth”. You may have other terms for it, but the concept is the same. Neurodivergent brains are either thinking faster than their filter or are unable to read the other people involved.
Emotional outbursts- Temper, temper! Some neurodivergent thinkers may be bi-polar as well, but often those emotional swings and outbursts are impulses that our brains fail to filter before putting on display.
Reckless behavior- When cause and effect reasoning is non-existent, there is no thinking about the consequences of skydiving, shop lifting, stealing a police car for a joyride, or throwing live ammunition into a ceiling fan. It’s not until there’s trouble that the neurodivergent brain starts thinking that maybe this wasn’t a good idea. By then it’s too late.
Self-harm- Again, there is no concept of the consequences until it’s too late. For some sensory seekers on the Autism Spectrum, self-harm can look like head hitting or punching (just one of many examples). The need for sensory input overrides any thoughts of the consequences.
Arguing- Also known as “interrupting in defensive mode”. The same social filter that doesn’t stop impulsive interrupting, won’t stop impulsive interrupting to prove a point. Whether its root is low self-esteem, fear, hurt, anger, or any other emotion, the outward actions are the same.
Addictions- Yes, this can be drugs or alcohol, but it can also come in other forms. It can be shopping, gambling, relationships, food…you name it. If it can be misused, we can become addicted to it. Overspending and overeating are probably two of the biggest addictions faced by neurodivergent and neurotypical people alike.

It’s Not Just Young People

We often recognize impulsiveness in people with ADHD and Autism because….well, it’s obvious. We see the problems caused by impulsiveness and wonder when they’ll “grow up”. However, there’s another significant population that struggles with impulse control. Our society is aging. More people struggle with Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, and dementia, and the slow decline in impulse control often takes people by surprise. We expect a two-year-old to accidentally lock themselves in the bathroom stall, but not an elderly lady who’s used public restrooms practically since they were invented. We expect the 19 year-old to waste their money on things they don’t need, but not the man who has watched his investments meticulously for the past 50 years.

It Affects Us All

Regardless of the type of neurodiversity we experience ourselves or from those around us, impulse control affects us all. Everyone struggles with it to some extent, but it’s much more obvious in neurodivergent thinkers. Even if you are a mature neurotypical adult with a good grasp on impulse control, you are probably affected by someone who’s not. The people standing under the ceiling fan were greatly affected by the person who threw BBs into it, even though they weren’t the ones being impulsive.

What Can We Do?

I wish there was an easy “how to” list to direct people on how to get their impulsiveness under control or how to help someone lacking impulse control to gain it. The unfortunate truth is that experience is often the best teacher when it comes to impulse control. There have been a number of times when I could tell what an impulsive child was about to do based on past experience and stop them. I’ve taught many students cause-and-effect reasoning skills (or at least attempted to), but in the end, there is no way to read someone’s mind and know what they’re about to do.

Usually, I’m one of the adults left to help an impulsive child pick up the pieces, analyze what went wrong, and problem-solve how to make things right. Supporting my students and kids as they’ve accepted responsibility for impulsive actions speaks more than any amount of teaching before the problems arise.

As parents, we can set a good example and help our kids in the decision-making process. Thinking aloud and asking questions are ways we can help our kids understand the decision-making process. I would also encourage parents to have friends who are dealing with some of the same issues.

We can also encourage our kids to have friends who will help them make better choices. I recently heard a story from a retired police officer about a young man who would lose his temper and fight people on a daily basis until one of his friends stepped in to pull him out of the situation. We all need that friend who will help us make wiser choices.

“Without wise counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” Proverbs 15:22 ESV